Why Being a Suzuki Parent Has Been My Most Challenging Role Yet

When my son turned 4 at the height of the COVID lockdowns, I excitedly got him a child-sized violin, excited at the prospect of teaching him myself and having him breeze through Suzuki Book 1.
After all, I told myself, I'm a Suzuki-bred, classically-trained violinist and I had taught kids aged 3 and up for ten years before I became a mother.
I had also spent the past few months informally homeschooling him and being with him almost 24/7. I thought teaching him would be a breeze.
Of course I had it all wrong!
A few lessons in and we were both getting extremely frustrated. My patience ran short when he didn't toe the line, and he was easily frustrated when he didn't instantly produce the same sound I did. Looking back now, he was both eager to please me and scared of disappointing me.
My husband, a former athlete, encouraged me to take it easy and remember he was only four. He reminded me that the opposite tends to happen when we push our kids to do things WE want them to do.

But in my head he was already behind. After all, I told myself, I'd taught 3 year olds to play all Twinkle variations within months! And 4 years old is already late compared to all those Suzuki prodigies!
And so we pushed on, without much progress, until one lesson left us both nearly in tears. It ended up with my four year old mournfully saying he did not want to play the violin anymore because "violin is not fun."
Any attempts at a lesson were met with resistance, and finally, I realized he was starting to really dislike violin lessons. I had committed a capital sin for any Suzuki parent- I pushed him too hard, refused to really listen to what he was saying, and projected my own expectations onto him!
And so we took a break. Caught up in producing a stellar young violinist and proving to myself that I could be his teacher, I completely lost sight of what it means to be a Suzuki parent.
A few weeks turned into months, and his violin sat gathering dust in the corner. His only semblance of violin lessons involved singing his favorite songs with perfect intonation and occasional Suzuki listening on car rides.
Recently he turned 5 and I decided to give violin lessons another shot. I took on a more easygoing approach, and I listened to him more. I let him feel that he was doing things his way as well as mine, but I also encouraged him to REALLY listen. My husband has also agreed to take on more of the parent-teacher role and help him practice as they learn together, so I can fulfill the teacher role better.
And so here we are, one year after our first attempts at embarking on the Suzuki journey, and it's already looking much better. I'm reminded yet again of the true magic of the Suzuki method, and most importantly, how much of its success depends on us parents!
As parents, we create the positive and nurturing environment that is vital to their learning-something that I quickly overlooked in expecting my child to magically meet my expectations.
After all, raising our children in the Suzuki method is not about churning out a child prodigy. It's about developing our children's character and sensitivity as they listen to and learn to create beautiful music, instilling discipline, learning cooperation and perseverance, and ultimately raising a good citizen.
Raising our Suzuki musicians also means maintaining the Suzuki triangle: between the parent, the teacher, and the child. Even if virtual lessons means we parents have taken on the teacher role as well, it is important that we keep those roles separate.
Take turns helping your child practice. Remember that you are their parent first. Listen to your child and be sensitive to his needs-know when to encourage him to work harder, but know when it's time to take a little break.
Know that the lessons they learn along the way will be those that they will keep for life. Take it from me; I began Suzuki violin lessons at the age of 8 with my 3 siblings also taking various lessons. Much of my childhood memories involve our parents shuttling us to lessons, (they even took lessons alongside us at some point), and friends I met as a Suzuki student have become my friends for life.

As parents, we have to remember that it's not about us. It's about our kids-whatever they grow up to become. It's about surrounding them with love and support, providing them with avenues to explore their creativity and reach their full potential in whatever fields they ultimately choose, and become good citizens of the world.